Lesson Number Seven: Hunter Pick-up Lines

Ladies,

My next topic is focusing on the hunters methods. (But I will be doing several lessons involving their tactics, seeing as this is a rather broad topic.) Some methods are completely appropriate and show their true devotion and admiration for you. But other methods, the methods I shall be warning you of, display the true shallowness of character in some hunters. We must be on guard at all times...

One method to be wary of is pick-up lines. Cheesy, gushy, obvious pick-up lines.

(For those of you who may not know what a "pick-up" line is, it's basically a stupid way of guys hitting on girls. And if you don't know what "hitting" on girls means, it means that they are flirting with them. No actual physical hitting is involved. And if you don't know what flirting is, basically it is a guy stating his interest in a girl by beating around the bush with a rather large stick. And if you don't know that "beating around the bush" is a metaphor and that I added "with a rather large stick" for emphasis....I PITY YOU!)

Anyways. Here are some examples:

::a girl drops a pack of sugar:: "Oh, you dropped your name-tag."

"Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?"

"If you were a burger at McDonalds, you'd be McGorgeous!"

"Do you have a Bandaid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you."

"I hope there is a fireman around, because your smokin!"

"Are you lost? Because Heaven's a long ways from here."

"Your so hot, that when I look at you, I get tan."

"You float my Ark."

"For you, I would slay two Goliaths."

"Your hair is like a flock of goats, decending from Gilead."

"You shouldn't wear makeup-its messing with perfection."

"I bet your name's Mickey, 'cause you're so fine. You're so fine you blow my mind."

"I got you a birthday present ....me!"

"Hey baby, I can tell we both love the same things ....me!"

"Well baby what's it like looking at the man of you're dreams?"

"Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?"

"Hey, I just realized that you look a lot like my next girlfriend!"

"You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae!"

"Do you have a map? Cause I got lost in your eyes."

Whew! And those are just a few. I'm warning you ladies, never fall for pick-up lines like those. If they really care for you, you'd think they'd take more time to concoct a phrase that speaks volumes to your heart - rather than a sentence that speaks volumes of their lack of creativity.

Continue to walk in steadfast ladies. Never let a hunter woo you with one of these lines. It's pretty shallow water in that river... and you shouldn't be splashing. It's rustle and crackle babes, rustle and crackle...

Your fellow leaf rustler,
The Pancake Woman