Lesson Number One: Camouflage

Dear Ladies,

I know you eagerly await my first lesson, and I am eager to give it! Ah, what a joy leaf rustling can be. And I firstly want to thank you for being my comrades in this. I will humbly share my wisdom, but you must act upon it for it to actually take effect. One thing to always to keep in mind during the whole of your leaf rustling process: MAKE SURE YOU ALERT THE RIGHT HUNTER! Dearies. This is a biggie. Many women have fallen prey to the wrong man, and it is tragic. This commandment ties in with our first lesson, seeing as it can be the result of not heeding this one little word:

Camouflage.

Ladies, let's be honest. How many of us really want to be camouflaged? Can I see a raise of hands? Haha, I thought so. Well, I feel the same way. I want to be seen. I want to be out in the open. I want to alert every hunter in the county and show off my sleek fur. But. This is a mighty downfall. You end up looking stupid. You end up looking like this:

Ready to take a bullet in the heart by some good-for-nothing man! Look at you - you're beautiful, sleek, limber...and on FULL display! For shame women. For shame. Cover yourselves!! Modest is hottest.

This is called camouflage honeys:

YOU'RE watching the men, and able to alert the ones you want to alert. Plus you get to hang with your girlfriends while doing so. Getting input during this time is crucial. Groups are always best. And especially on bathroom runs.

Think: HUNTED.

Your fellow leaf rustler,
The Pancake Woman